Self-regulation is something children are encouraged to learn from an early age, so that they can manage big feelings and how they respond to the world around them. Self-regulation involves being able to regulate reactions to strong emotions such as frustration, excitement, anger and embarrassment. It’s also about teaching children how to calm down after something upsetting or over stimulating. Supporting self-regulation in children is extremely important, so here are some useful ways to go about it.

Create a Supportive Environment 

The world can be a big, scary place and little ones have a lot to process as they work out what it’s all about and how they fit into society. One of the best things you can do is to create a supportive, loving and caring environment; somewhere your kids feel safe and happy. Creating consistent routines in one way to help children feel safe, so think about setting times for meals, stories and bedtime so that they know what’s expected of them every day.

If you want to give your little ones some reassurance and self-esteem before bed, there’s a book about a lion and a mouse called The Lion Inside, which is all about finding your worth and appreciating your differences. This is a great read for children and could quickly become a bedtime favourite.

Help Children to Know and Understand Emotions 

Often, children find it difficult to self-regulate because they don’t understand the emotion they’re experiencing. When kids feel overwhelmed they can scream, shout, cry, panic, run away, hide or even act out physically. Work with your children to help them name and understand emotions, and identify when they might occur. Use colourful emotion cards or story books and talk about different scenarios where they might feel happy, sad, angry, frustrated, lonely or jealous. The more exposed children are to feelings through stories and play, the more likely they are to self-regulate successfully.

On a similar thread, it’s a good idea to create calm spaces in your home where children can go if they need to take a second. This might be a den, their bedroom, a playroom or even the garden. While you don’t want your children running to the safe space whenever something doesn’t suit them, calm areas in the home are great for diffusing difficult situations. 

Model Appropriate Behaviour 

As an adult, it’s important to lead by example and show children how to self-regulate. This might mean talking calmly about your emotions in front of them or doing some deep breathing exercises and getting your children to do the same when they feel overwhelmed. When children manage to self-regulate, be sure to give them lots of positive reinforcement, as little ones tend to respond well to praise and will know what they’re doing right. 

Managing and encouraging self-regulation in children is far from easy, but it is possible. Think about sourcing resources to help you such as stories (including the book on a lion and a mouse mentioned earlier). Something as simple as a lion book can show children that we’re all special in our own way and encourage self-acceptance.